if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
