ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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