Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
