Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
