EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize