god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
