weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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