why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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