Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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