Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
