why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
