I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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