Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
