Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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