You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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