I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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