Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
