Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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