Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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