Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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