I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
