So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
