I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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