so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's get the cat blown out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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