Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
