I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
