After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
