Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
