so explain again why im purple
no
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
