I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
