he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
