A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How's work?
Spinning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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