I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
