I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
