sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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