Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
