Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
