my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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