I think I died a long time ago.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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