You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
