this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
