there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
