I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
