If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
