So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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