drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
