I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
