All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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