if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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