She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
