I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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