He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
