I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
