its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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